Posts
Saw my girlfriends earlier. I always feel bad for not seeing them when I'm back home. It's just that I go home so that I could be left alone, to clear my mind, heal my body and soul. To get away from everything and everyone in KL. The last time I saw them was on Nina's birthday. And that was a month ago. And now I have less than 4weeks in Malaysia, yet I still want to be left alone and sulk in my own misery.
Yes, I'm that much of a drama queen.
Well I had a How I Met Your Mother marathon just now. I love love that show and I love love lovvvve Barney Stinson. I guess I've a thing for womanizers. I think it's his suit and his lame catchphrases like "Suit up!" and of course, wait for it... "Legendary!" LOL. He even has his own blog. A real one. Eventhough he's a womanizer who likes to create crazy situations and then sit back and watch it all goes down, I think what made me fall for him is when he falls for Robin. I want to be a Robin to a Barney.
If you haven't watched the show, I suggest you do.
When we met light was shed, thoughts free flow, you said you've got something deep inside of you. Fall breeze blows outside, I don't bring stride. My thoughts are warm and they go deep inside of you. I never felt alone until I met you.
Friends say I've changed, I don't listen because I live to be deep inside of you. You said boy makes girl feels good. I've never felt alone until I met you. I'm alright on my own until I met you. And I'd know what to do if I just knew what is coming. I would change myself if I could. I'd walk with my own people if I could find them and I would say that I'm sorry to you. I'm sorry to you but I don't want to call you but then I want to call you because I don't want to crush you but I feel like crushing you and its true, I took for granted you were with me. I breathe by your looks and you look right through me.
But we were broken and didn't know it.
I'm planning on what to wear for my 4days getaway. I figured I'd wear dresses during the day and change to maybe tank tops and tees for the night. The thing is, I always end up over packing. I picked out 5dresses and 8tops. 3jeans. 2leggings. And a couple of PJs. See what I mean? And I haven't figure out whether I want to bring a few heels (I can't live without them) or maybe I'll just stick to one gladiator. Don't get me started on handbags. I was thinking of my white Chloe. That would suffice right?
Decisions, decisions.
I'm just trying to get by the day.
"The worst part about being lied to: is knowing you’re not worth the truth."
I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want… a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.
"The damage was permanent; there would always be scars. But even the angriest scars faded over time until it was difficult to see them written on the skin at all, and the only thing that remained was the memory of how painful it had been."
— Jodi Picoult
"Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused."
— Paulo Coelho
Just like Ted said, I wish there's a switch off button to this feeling. It's funny when you don't get what you want, you feel so empty but when you do, all you do is worry and paranoia comes in. And your mind tells you to not do it. Stop, quit, leave when you can. Your heart says enjoy it will you can because life is short. And you are leaving soon. The future is not certain. Yet.
After the shit you went through, you cannot feel this way Sarah.
There's no need to complicate, our time is short.
Leaving in a month.
